“Welcome to K-Mart, how can I help you?”

“I see you have a blue light special on a sense of humor.”

“Yes, sir. You have your choice of a sense of humor or a toaster oven.”

“Hmmm. That’s a hard choice.”

“Well, what do you plan on doing with your purchase?”

“Pick up girls, dude.”

“Ah. I see. Well, with a toaster oven, you might be rather limited to just the hungry ones in need of something toasted.”

“Is that a sexual reference?”

“No, sir. Employees of K-Mart don’t have sex.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Not as sorry as we are.”

“What all comes with the sense of humor?”

“It comes complete with 150 jokes. Though I believe one unit has been returned and it’s slightly used. There’s only 75 jokes left on that one.”

“You guys discounting that one?”

“Sure. The manager has knocked 50% off of that one. Figuring there’s only 50% of the wit of a new one.”

“If I buy it, does that make me a half-wit?”

“Yes, sir, but since you’re trying to decide between a sense of humor and a toaster oven, you’re already . . . “

“Excuse me?”

“I’m sorry. Where are my manners?”

“Are the jokes any good?”

“Well, sir, humor is subjective. What might be a gut-buster for some barely rates a twitter in others.”

“Is there a guarantee on it?”

“Yes sir, we guarantee complete satisfaction.”

“Really? So if it doesn’t work . . . ?”

“We’ll still be completely satisifed with your money.”

“Great. Are there any expansion modules for the sense of humor? How about some ad-libs? Some off-the-cuff spontaneous zingers?”

“We do offer the ‘Robin Williams’ Module. It tends to get a little zany.”

“You have anything in a ‘Jeff Foxworthy’ or ‘Larry the Cable Guy’?”

“No, but we do have a nice ‘Basil’ and a vintage ‘George Carlin.’”

“Hmm. How about a ‘Richard Pryor’?”

“No sir, his stuff unfortunately works only on the blue sense of humor models.”

“Oh. Well. Damn. But the sense of humor, as it is, right out of the box, it’ll get girls?”

“If you follow the directions, then, yes.”

“Oh, here’s the directions right here. Hmmm. Wait a minute. Says it requires you to be good looking, financially stable, drug-free, great in bed, a super conversationalist . . . I’m not good looking!”

“Well, sir, may I recommend the toaster oven?”