“Hi, can we help you?”

“Yes, this is the dating store, right?”


“I’d like a supermodel, please.”

“Uhh, sir, we don’t have any supermodels.”

“Oh. Well, all of your pictures in your advertising show supermodels.”

“Well, they, uhhh, are just models, sir.”

“You mean, they don’t really need help in finding dates?”

“No, sir. They can pretty much fend for themselves.”

“Oh. I see. Well, why wouldn’t you put pictures of the real people trying to find a date?”

“Uhhh, because people are attracted to, uhh, attractive people. Sexy people.”

“Yeah, I know. That’s why I’m here. I’m uglier than a mud fence. No one’s gonna put my picture on the front door of the Dating Store.”

“Well, sir, I don’t know that you’re exactly, uhh, uglier than a mud fence . . . “

“That’s ok. Well, if you don’t have any super models, then, how about just a model? She doesn’t have to be from Krypton.”


“You know. Super? SuperMAN? SuperGIRL. From Krypton? SuperMODEL? Get it?”

“No sir, we don’t have any models, either.”

“Well, what *do* you have here?”

“We have a lot of really nice, intelligent people.”

“No you don’t. I’ve read their profiles. I’ve seen them spell. They’re not intelligent.”

“But they are nice . . .”

“No they’re not. Again, I’ve read their profiles. ‘If you don’t have a picture, don’t bother writing.’ See? I’ll get rejected if I don’t post a picture. I’ll get rejected if I DO post a picture. That’s not nice.”

“But, sir, most folks aren’t that shallow. They’re looking for true love and most people will look beyond the picture.”

“Yeah. Right.”

“We do have some very cute ladies . . “

“Who want guys that look like 30 miles of bad road?”

“Well, sir, most women aren’t as focused on looks. Most women can spot a good, intelligent man by what he writes. They’re attracted to his confidence.”

“Tell me: do they give you guys drugs so you can spout that crap with a straight face? Or are you an attorney by training? How do you tell when a lawyer’s lying? His lips are moving.”

“Sir, we may not be able to help you, I’m afraid. You appear to be focused on finding a ‘supermodel.’”

“No, really, I’m not. You guys advertise that there were supermodel level women that who needed a date. I’m here to help.”

“We don’t really, sir.”

“Well, then, how about one of those cute ones you talked about. It’d be nice to take her to dinner. Talk to her about a variety of things. Make her laugh. Hold her hand out to the parking lot. Kiss her gently and passionately goodnight.”

“Perhaps that’s all you have to say in your profile, sir. You know, ‘Wanted: Cute lady to love.’?”

“You think that would work?”

“It’s worth a shot, sir.”

“Fine. If it keeps me out of the bars. I don’t drink, I suck at pool and darts, and I couldn’t sing a karakoke tune if my life depended on it.”