From Streams of Unconsciousness

“One for The Road….Please”

I had a friend who refused to see the film “You Can Count On Me” in theaters because she didn’t want to go up to the ticket window and say, “you can count on me.” I saw her point.

I felt a little strange going up to the ticket window last Winter and saying “I Loved You So Long.”

I do plan on seeing the latest film based on a Cormac McCarthy novel, “The Road,” and will see it alone so I can say, “one for the road.”

Wouldn’t it be cool if there was a movie called, Tea? A couple could go up to the ticket window and say, “two for Tea.” The ticket seller could reply, “and tea for two.”

I’ve had difficulty buying tickets for movies that have titles that are difficult to pronounce as last fall when I saw “Synecdoche, New York.” And I felt silly two years ago asking for a ticket for “Before the Devil Knows Your Dead”. I notice some theater goers shorten titles when they ask for tickets, as in saying “two for the ‘Before the Devil.'” I’m sure most people got tickets for “Eternal Sunshine” rather than talking up valuable time saying Eternal Sunshine for the Spotless Mind.

Sometimes you don’t actually say the number of tickets you’re buying allowing a finger or two to denote the number. This proved embarrassing when I saw “Y Tu Mama Tambien.”

And what was it like in 1963 when a couple went to see that rollicking Western/Comedy starring Frank Sinatra and said “two for 4 for Texas”? Or what if it was two couples asking for “four for 4 for Texas”?

Remember David Finchner’s thriller “Se7en”? Yes, some patrons said “two for seven.” If they wanted to see the 7 O’clock showing they could have said “two for seven at seven.” Then again if it was a matinee it could have been “two for seven at two.”

There was a quickly forgotten film in 2006 called “Two Tickets to Paradise.” So did people ask for “two tickets for two tickets to paradise.”? I’m just wondering.

In days of yore, before the advent of the multiplex, there was only one film, or a double feature playing in theaters, so film goers never had to say the name of the movie. This saved anyone from going up to a ticket booth in 1932 and saying, “I Am a Fugitive from A Chain Gang.” And people going to see Charlie Chaplin’s The Circus avoided the confusion of stating their desire for “two ticket for the circus.”

And imagine going to see the Frankenstein sequel and saying, “two for The Bride of Frankenstein.” You just know some wiseacre behind you would crack, “let her buy her own tickets.” The same wag would offer the same quip to someone asking for two tickets for “The Man Who Came to Dinner.” In more recent times, a descendant of this same wiseenheimer might have had a field day in line behind people buying tickets for the Farrelly brothers film “Dumb and Dumber.” And what about when the same duo released “Me, Myself & Irene.” “I’ll have one for Me Myself and Irene.” Perhaps in this instance our smart aleck would be the ticket seller who would retort: “you’ll need three tickets!”

The moral? Better to buy your tickets online and avoid potential embarrassment.