I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Your mother smoked a lot of pot while she was pregnant with you, didn’t she?
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur for Xmas. Ivben a good boy all yeer.
YeR FReND, BiLLy
Nice spelling. You’re on your way to being a career lawn care specialist. How ’bout I send you a frigging book so you can learn to read and write? I’m giving your older brother the space ranger; at least HE can spell!
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you making toys?
Your friend, Thomas
All toys get made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most my time squeezing cocktail waitresses asses, and losing all my cash at the craps table. Hey, YOU wanted to know!
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the backdoor.
Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face. You want to be a kiss-ass? Leave me a glass of Chivas Regal and some Toblerone.