Dating Crap: Hot Passionate Monkey Love
The group of ladies left the cage next door and stood in front of mine.
“What about this one?” one of the ladies in the group asked as they stood in front of my display cage.
“I don’t know. He’s kind of old, isn’t he?” said another.
“50’s not old. 50’s the new 30, haven’t you heard?”
“He’s got a lot of grey in his hair.”
“According to the chart here, his Latin name is Silverus Headus Nutty Jobber.”
“What else does it say on his chart?”
“Says he’s funny.” The women all bent down and peered through the bars. “He looks funny, that’s for sure.”
A lady said, “It says right here that he has a sense of humor. Do you have to feed him or something to see it?”
“I don’t know. He’s not near as good looking as that Clooney guy a few cages ago.”
“Yeah,” said one, “but who wants a guy who’s prettier than she is?” They all nodded.
“What’s that over there in the corner of his cage? Is that a bicycle?”
“Looks like it. It says that he rides it all the time. That’s kind of cute, don’t you think?”
“Can’t he afford a car?”
“Well, I don’t know. It says he owns his own business.” She looked through the bars. “I don’t know. ‘His own business’ could be delivering newspapers. He could use a bike for that.”
“What’s he looking for? Does that chart say that?”
“Says he’s looking for someone who’s smart. Got a sense of humor. Says here that if she has a sarcastic streak, that’s a good thing.”
“Let’s me out,” one lady huffed. “I don’t have a sense of humor.”
“Yeah, well, you’re not slender either. According to the chart he’s only interested in slender ladies.”
“What’s he like to do?”
“Says here he’s a computer geek. And that he reads all the time. That he likes to camp out.”
“It says he likes to hop in the car and go for long drives just to see what’s there.”
They all just stared. Finally, after a few minutes, “Would you want to take him to bed?”
All of the women studied me with their heads tilted ever so slightly in contemplative silence.
“Well,” one finally said softly, “He wouldn’t be my first choice for hot passionate monkey-love. But he might be kind of fun to snuggle with on a couch on a rainy day.”
More silence. A few nodded.
“Oh, hey, I’ve never seen this before on one of these cages.”
“It’s a web site. Says, ‘for more information go to www.joekoday.com.’ Huh.” A couple of the ladies write that down.
“Wonder what would happen if we poke him with a stick . . . “